next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
