Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
