she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
