unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize