You're completely useless in the revolution.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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