i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
