Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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