Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
