Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So I just went to clothing optional bar
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
