im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
