she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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