Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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