he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
