does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
