he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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