y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think my fart just growled at me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
