I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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