if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
