if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
