Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize