dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
