If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize