I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
