If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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