So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
