He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
