My balls are so social today.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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