he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize