i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize