I want to stick my p in your. b.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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