dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
