After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
