if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
