I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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