P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
