puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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