And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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