My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
my liver is dry heaving
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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