Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
