paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
