So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
