I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she pinky promised me she was 18
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
