She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
