i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
