I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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