i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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