Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
