I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
