I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
