great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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