um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
