you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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