i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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