She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
