I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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