I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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