just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize