i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize