the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
