Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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