one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A+ Viking dick
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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