Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
