Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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