I just saw a hot homeless man
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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